The press conference started with a swell of camera shutters chattering like a gust of wind through a grove of quaking aspen.  Flashbulbs popped off intermittently making everything seem like it was covered in glitter.  A Wooly Mammoth approached the microphone and was slightly taken aback by the raucous barrage of reporters crying for attention. “Mammoth!” Some yelled and flailed wildly, notepad in hand.  Other’s just shouted out their questions, seemingly to no one, as others yelled over them and so on again.  It was as if the stock market had closed up shop and all the floor traders decided to become independent journalists.   It was the first swing of a interogation pillow fight and there were clearly some hard hitting questions out there, but there were also some soft ones.  Playful swings that were almost flirtatious in some way.  The Mammoth waved his trunk in a calming motion and the din of undeterred questioning slowed.  “Allright, Okay, Okay, Okay,” the Mammoth said, and gestured at a portly creature in the front row with his weathered, bottom-of-the-foot skin trunk.  Taking it’s cue, the creature spoke, “Dale Rogers here, Andromeda Galaxy Times, just curious what happened out there, It seemed like you had a good run going, but you came up just short….”

“Yeah, ya know,” the Mammoth started, “Things were looking good for us, our numbers were high, we had some pretty good global coverage… I thought we were firing on all the right cylinders, but then some close calls didn’t go our way, and, really we just got caught off guard.”

“Do you think it was the body mass investment that did you in?” Roger’s countered.

“It seemed like the right strategy, we were kinda playing the long game the whole time, and… I mean, hindsight 20/20, now it’s easy to see how the humans expanded, and how we became targets, but we thought adapting to colder latitudes would keep a buffer between us…. Next question.”

“Yes, thank you, Paula Martin, Large Magellanic Cloud Independent.  So you do blame the humans for your loss?”

“No, I don’t blame them, there’s no one to blame but ourselves, they just out competed us.  Really they must have just wanted it more than us.  There were certain lines we didn’t want to cross.”

“Are you suggesting that there was foul play?” A voice cried out.

“If you’re asking me if I think all their actions are fair play? not really, but that’s not for me to decide.  I just hope that after this, the committee takes a long look into how some of the rules are being bent and manipulated and maybe we’ll see some changes in the system soon.”

“In retrospect would you have wanted to play more of domestication defence rather than the isolation or avoidance defence it seemed you were using.”

“I’m not so sure.  Things can change so fast, I mean, early in the pleistocene, I’d say we had the upperhand, and yeah, making a run at domestication might have bought us a little more time, but I don’t see many of those teams making it out of the anthropocene… That’s just not the type of game we play either.  We made a gamble, we like to keep things exciting, It’s part of the integrity of our organization.”

“What was your favorite moment out there?”

“There were so many good ones, and hell, just the smell of the air down there is enough to get emotional about… but, that time we chased away that pack of saber tooth tigers, or the time a bunch of us linked together to pull those calves out of a tar pit… those were special.  More than anything, maybe just knowing that ill never come across a tar pit again.”

A small chuckle migrated through the crowd and the Mammoth continued.  “As bad as the humans were, there are some good ones, and I’ve never come across a good tar pit… they’re all as evil as STDs in my book.”

“A lot of us couldn’t help but notice your species had some of the largest dicks, but then you were matriarchal… care to comment?”

“Having a big dick was sweet, having a matriarch was sweet too, next question.”

“who are you rooting for now?”

“Ha, African Elephants!  I’d love to see a pachyderm be top dog… I think that would help us all feel a little better about our choices… like it was more chance than systemic problems that did us in… but if it had to be something completely different… well, I was a pretty big fan of those fungus… I forget their name, but they’re the ones that make you feel like the rocks are breathing… man, I gotta kick out of those things.  

“Now that you are out, and can step back and take in what’s going on with all the other species, are their traits that you are disappointed you aren’t seeing more of?”

“Good question, yes.  It’s a damn shame that a lot of species out there aren’t investing in memory.  It’s one of the most beautiful and endearing traits, and i felt in a lot of ways it began to define us as a species.  And I know there is a grey area between innate abilities and memory, but not when you are down there.  A memory is different.  Just knowing how to do something that keeps you alive… sure, that’s great, but there’s no color or emotion, or smell to that.  There’s no passion in just knowing.  Remembering is like finding treasure.  It’s worth dedicating your life to… What was the question?”
Everyone laughed.  Everyone loved the mammoth.