I went to ACE Hardware to get a rock hammer and a light switch.  I usually look like I have no idea what I’m doing, and today was no exception.  I was looking at their selection of light switches, slightly disappointed they didn’t have anything more interesting then your standard switch.  I don’t know what I expected… at least leopard print.  One of the employees approached me and asked me what I was looking for.  

I told him i needed a switch.

“What for?” He asked in a concerned tone.

I really didn’t want to get into why I needed a switch.  I should have just lied, but apparently I think two steps behind.  “I am going to put it on a box… It’s a switch on a box.”  From there it spiralled out of control.  “I live in a basement, and there isn’t a lightswitch… My lights are christmas lights and I have to unplug them every time I want them to turn off… Sometimes I spill this jar of water that I keep near my bed because I pull too hard on the chord.  Sometimes I forget that I’m prone to spilling water and I put important documents on the table next to the water.  Sometimes I ruin those important documents.   It’s a hassle.  I’m building a box and putting a switch in it.”

The employee seemed exceedingly concerned with this explanation. Too much information enables too much information.

He launched into a story about how one time he was working a job as an electrician in Texas and got shocked on a 480 volt system.  It melted his feet to the ladder he was standing on.  His co-worker said he shot blue light out of his eyes that damaged the panel he was working on.  He was blind for three weeks.  They thought he would never see again, but they were wrong.  All of that was a warning for me not to play around with electricity, and I felt warned. He kept going though.  A couple years after he recovered he cut off his index and middle finger on a band-saw.  Now he has to go in every two years and get the nerves removed from his hand.  It was because of this process that they discovered he was one of five people in the world who have this thing called shattered nerve syndrome.  His nerves grow eight times as fast as normal people.  His nerves also don’t need to have channels made for them, they just tunnel out there own. So now they are basically harvesting nerves from his hand to transplant in people with nerve damage.

He is convinced that being electrocuted created this ability in him.     

I wanted to shake his hand, but he only had three fingers and I thought that might be a weird gesture.  So I didn’t.

The End.